nope.
didn't
get your message.
‘til saturday morning.
Stayed at Coffee Shop til 8:30pm waiting.
waiting for cell fone call.
waiting for you to come.
saying to myself,
"i must be stupid."
saying to myself, "what did I do, why me?"
and I hate that "why me" question
I hardly ever use it
holding tickets to De La Guarda watching time tick away.
felt like shit. wandered the streets.
thinking maybe an email or a phone call...
nope.
feeling stood up.
feeling like a jerk telling you this stuff now cuz i'm tryin' to emote.
tryin' to fix myself.
tryin' not to feel like a reject.
tryin' to say something so you'll understand how i feel/felt.
standing and waiting like a dork.
thinking about how i am subtly
drawn to you.
liking that you edit.
your fingers on the keys
(maybe sharing too much here but I'm melancholy cuz i wandered last
night,
blue)
liking that you have beautiful eyes and lips
and your hair is always waiting to be wild.
liking that you have a child.
liking that you shared some deepness
from your past over drinks at post wrap party dinner.
liking not knowing too much about you and wanting to find out more.
thinking now about a
couldabeen cold friday night
winter walking glassy eyed through new york
enroute to a cool show enroute from a cool show
to some drink and food somewhere.
talking with you
through the din of pre-xmas bozo revelers.
seeing if my "likings" to you are instincts on point.
hoping a candle might dance in a glass
and reflect some light like water on your face.
might make yours eye shine
ever more brightly than they do.
i am probably sounding even dumber now.
i am not a walking low self esteem case.
i am pretty hi on me.
it' s just that when i get knocked down by something,
i usually kick me around a little while i have the chance,
like right now,
imagining shit that i should go ahead and imagine
but should probably not share.
BUT I HEARD YOUR VOICE ON THE PHONE.
it sounded so encouraging.
so sweet and honest!
(i let myself flow here cuz i figger might as well risk opening up
a bit even more.)
worse thing is you'll not dig it
and we won't hook up. best case is you'll look
into this window
of myself i've opened
and think about climbing in to hear and see
more.
oh well. i got no phone number to call ya.
i got limited reach.
i was pissed last night.
i was sad.
it was a real drag.
you need not apologize.
it is what it is.
some other meaning hidden.
call if you can.
